So, if you haven't noticed, I've been in a little bit of a funk.

Maybe you haven't noticed as I haven't been writing much at all, that's the kind of funk I've been in.

I've been meaning to write a positive, upbeat entry about all the wonderful fun and exciting things I have been up to, especially as rumor has it the reception to my most recent Counterpoint article in the February issue about reentry back to the U.S. after being in Russia was considered to be a little "dark" by some critics and a few have been concerned about my "psychological well-being" in this country of mine.

So, I wanted to write something that wasn't a downer but.... I've been kind of in a downer mood. I have been feeling like I have been back here almost a month and I haven't gotten my act together to do anything interesting that I want to do save going to a couple of art exhibits and that my time here is draining away and I am just sitting around in my apartment. The weather is definitely a factor too -- it is definitely getting better, it's light out until at least 6:00PM now which is a miracle, but it's still snowy and wet, wet, wet and it's almost more depressing because the mornings look good and I get excited and go out for the day wearing just sneakers and my lighter jacket and by the time I come home at night its snowing and sleeting and my feet are getting damp and I'm freezing and annoyed. Even though I have been doing stuff -- hell, I never even wrote about when I went over and visited Olga, Misha, Katya & Stas, did I? -- it feels like I haven't because the kind of stuff I want to be doing is walking around outside and photographing shit and being and existing in the city. In short: I miss the summer. That was all I did. And I have so many photo projects in mind that I want to do before I leave here to document this city that has been my home for a year..... but I can't do any of them until the weather stops being gray and ugly as shit.

Last night was the low point though. My day was fine -- I was kind of stressed out, trying to run to the post office and the bookstore and get a bunch of errands done and grocery shopping, and then I spent about three hours at Smolny researching Malevich and his symbolist works for an oral report (in Russian! 15 minutes of speaking in Russian in front of a bunch of people who speak Russian fluently! ahhhh! just me and Annie, the only other American in the class!) I have to do this Friday, and on my way home I was like oh, hey, let me stop and get out money to pay March's rent.

Oh, hey, funny how my debit card didn't work.

Oh, hey, funny how I came home and called Citi Bank and found that my identity had been stolen.

Jackasses!

Also funny how the same exact thing happened to my dear old roomie in November (see her tale of woe here). Moral of the story: do NOT use any of the Citi Bank ATMS on Nevsky, there are bitches that put viruses in them that save your information! Luckily my bank caught it before the asshole could drain my funds, but still this involves getting a new debit card via a Reed professor visiting in two weeks and about three hours last night on the phone with some combination of Citi Bank, Mom and/or Dad.

AKHLAKSDLKASDLKASDKL.

Well, it all ended well, but come the fuck on. The last thing I needed and I was tired and pissed and generally felt like I was losing my mind and wasn't sure what I was doing with myself here. I know I am glad to be back here. I know that I feel like I am not ready for my time in Russia to be done. I know that I am positive I made the right decision by returning for second semester. I know that there are things I am still excited about from being in St. Petersburg. Just yesterday I wasn't feeling it. At all. Вообще.

But today I kind of forced myself out of my rut (here comes the positive spin). I went to Smolny to do work, which was a total failure, though I did talk to Bryan to do some "research" for one of my future photo projects. I sorted out some more issues about the Citi Bank situation. I went back to Stolle for the first time since my return, this time with Louis so it felt just like the summer all over again, which gave me hope for spring coming.

And on my way walking home I finally saw the Русский Hollywood show at the Росфото center that I have been meaning to see for what feels like weeks now. The show was much more interesting than I thought -- I was expecting black and white photos of Russia's version of their own "Hollywood," but the photos were actually one Russian man's collection of vintage Hollywood movie stills involving Hollywood's fascination with Russia..... there were photos from the sets of Anna Karenina with Greta Garbo, War and Peace with Audrey Hepburn, Doctor Zhivago with Omar Sharif.... and photos of famous Hollywood actors and actresses of Russian descent such as Anna Sten, Yul Brynner, and Tamara Toumanova, amongst others. I wish Nunni could see that show -- she would know every single actor and movie shown there and would really appreciate it. Good thing I bought the pack of 20 postcards from the exhibit to show her when I'm home instead.

So, that cheered me up. Then I came home and had a very complicated dinner of a bowl of cereal and a Baltika 7 and that cheered me up further to work on this damn report for avant-garde.

Since I've already hit the low point of this rut, I think things can only get better.

Until then, I'll be watching this vaguely depressing video by Дельфин ("Dolphin"), a Russian rapper of sorts, matched with footage of the 1980 Moscow Olympics, that Bryan showed me yesterday..... as he pointed out, the video seems to represent the dying glory of the Soviet Union, which gives it that sad, failing feel..... the song is also called "Весна" ("Spring") which sort of gives me hope in a way.....

Мы обязательно встретися
Слышишь меня? Прости
Там куда я ухожу весна
Я знаю ты сможешь меня найти
Не оставайся одна....